Last updated on April 8th, 2017 at 04:36 pm
Yesterday was a special special day. It marks the first day I milked almonds and made amaaaaazing almond milk. Now I understand all the fuss about it. I tried once a store bought what I remember to be an almond drink and it just tasted like wood. Like someone chopped wood and put it in the carton with some sweetener. Not a great experience.
And now a little karaoke for you, in the style of Gloria Gaynor, please:
At first I was afraid,
I was petrified, kept thinking how can I milk almonds without nipples on both sides.
But then I spend so many nights thinking about milking them, I,
I had to try
and now I hold my cup so high!
Good times, the 80’s.
Turns out this almond milk is not as bad as the one that I had from the store, it’s actually extremely delicious. And I see a little obsession/hobby coming over – MILKING EVERYTHING! Obviously nipples are not needed for milking. Thank you for the wrong information, Focker! Because of you I’ve been drinking cow milk like I’m still on a bottle. Which I was I think until I was like what…16 years old? Just kidding, until yesterday.
But true story – until the age of six I was living in the smallest village on the face of the Earth with my grandmother. The only thing I was eating and drinking at that time was milk (I guess goat milk, since we didn’t have cows there). My grandmother used to put my milk in a huge beer bottle, which was emptied by someone else before that, and I assume it was washed afterwards (we didn’t have running water at that time in my village). On top of the “clean” beer bottle there was a half-cut-off pacifier and I would drink from that bottle all day long. For me milk was the only food existing on the planet and it was my main nutrient source at that time. I didn’t know you could eat other things, forget about drinking the milk of nuts. Now, just a few years later (about 24) I’m milking almonds like there’s no tomorrow, I almost don’t eat dairy and I live in a city with more than 11 inhabitants. Life is a surprise.
I’m thinking of milking everything else now – oats, hazelnuts, cashews…my mind is in an overdrive – I need new milking-objects!!! So many things to milk, so little time to milk them and so sole stomach! Why?? Why do we have only one stomach? After all we do have two kidneys.
Now that I have all that milk, I can’t help but wonder what I should do with it? Usually I like to use plain water for everything – smoothies, desserts, breakfast…I’m not gonna change my beliefs because the Universe blessed me with the talented hands of a milking Goddess. But maybe I’ll try it in like a sauce in some savory dish? I love creamy dishes, that’s why I gained so much weight after all.
By the way I’m a little allergic against almonds – well my face doesn’t swell up 3 sizes, when I eat raw almonds, but I do get some itching inside my mouth and inside my ears. And then I try to scratch inside my ears and then my mouth. Yummy! I bet it looks very attractive when I do that – I think it’s that special something about me.
But when I want to actually attract someone and eat nuts without scratching my ears and mouth I soak my nuts or bake them. This way all the allergic symptoms are gone. And now I can even be attractive while drinking milk of almonds – no itching, no trouble.
Soaking is also a good way to reduce the phytic acid content in nuts, grains and legumes. Phytic acid is quite the party pooper – it binds important nutrients like calcium, zinc and iron and those cannot be absorbed – which in the end might lead to deficiencies. So soak please!
And now that I’ve been milking nonstop for 2 days I have a lot of almond pulp. What’s going to happen with it? Maybe a dessert?