Last updated on February 11th, 2019 at 07:28 am
Do you sometimes feel there’s something stopping you from making change in your life? From reaching your full potential?
After a month of talking about food and exercise, today I want to talk about this. Specifically, about some self-destructive things that many of us do to self-sabotage and stay stuck. Tomorrow is the start of a new month – the perfect time to set a goal and let go of some of these horrible habits.
In reality complaining is a way of looking for sympathy from others or yourself. You don’t need to take responsibility for your actions when people feel sorry for you, right? You’re having a hard time, so you can’t be expected to do great. But, on the other hand if you’re doing great, people might get jealous, right?
So many reasons to complain in life. And yet, it somehow makes everything bitter. Because it stops you from wholeheartedly being yourself and reaching your full potential. Complaining is nothing but making excuses for not doing everything you want to do in life.
A good idea to stop complaining is to start expressing gratitude. We forget we have food on the table and running water all the time, that’s something to really be grateful for. Make a list and start thinking of what’s right in the world.
2. Not listening to the inner wisdom
You know the one that tells you, “Don’t eat cookies for breakfast today, drink some water – you’ll feel so good mentally and physically!”
Then, you hear that jerk, the inner rebel, that liar with his high-pitched voice:
“Why not? That’s stupid. You are able to eat cookies in the morning and then eat healthy throughout the day and finish everything you want. Today’s different.”
That guy is almost always wrong and never worth listening to, especially in the morning. And let me tell you, he’s a loser who doesn’t do anything. So whenever you recognize that inner wisdom talking to you, listen to it and do what it says.
3. The big beat up
Well, in case you did number 2 (<- hey I didn’t even plan this!), what follows is the big beat up. That’s you, beating yourself up for listening to that “inner rebel” and screwing yourself over and over again. I shouldn’t have done this, what was I thinking, it’s my fault, I’m a loser, I don’t do anything right, I did it again, I’ll never change.
Don’t indulge in that behaviour. Putting yourself down isn’t helpful. And I mean, we all know this, we’re not kids, but we still do it. We carry that guilt with us, and then we feel guilty about beating ourselves up. It’s a ridiculous never ending story. So if you can, whenever you’ve let that inner rebel fool you into doing things you’re not proud of, have compassion for yourself. Not self-pity, but compassion. Forgive yourself for not being able to do everything right and do your best next time. You’ll be okay with not being perfect, if you know you’ve done your best. It doesn’t need to be a new day, you can reset any moment you decide to.
Whenever you have an idea, or feel like you want to say or do something – don’t take too long to act on it. And by act I mean, either start and finish it, take a note, or just let it go, dismiss it. Get it out of your mind, so you don’t make this thing a bigger deal than it needs to be.
Otherwise overthinking can make your life pretty miserable as that whole fear of doing or saying something wrong can affect your relationships, your work and your health.
5. Starting, but not finishing things that matter
When it comes to the important things: follow through, even if it’s not fun all the time. If you have 10 half-finished projects, guess what? You’ll think about each and every one of them all the time and you’ll be stressed. New ideas will also start to pile up, but hey, you don’t have time to work on them right now. But let’s start them. So you start to feel like you’re suffocating and because procrastination is a form of relaxation – you end up doing nothing.
To me, there are very few things that feel as good as following through and finishing projects and ideas that have been occupying my mind for weeks OR months. Starting things is a start, but working through and finishing them is the real win.
6. Believing you need to struggle to make things happen
Do you sometimes find yourself judging people who have something you want, but don’t have? They don’t seem to work as hard as you, so they don’t deserve it, right?
It could be anything: weight loss, relationships, career…
I had this for a long time. And if I’m very honest, which I am, I still, sometimes have it. But the thing is, me judging others for finding different, easier, better ways to achieve something that I want is not helping anyone. Especially myself. Because letting yourself do something that is easy, to achieve something you really want and is worth it, is not cheating on yourself or your values. You don’t need to struggle to deserve something. You know you want it, do what you have to do and then when it comes: accept and celebrate it. Without going into drama of how it was too easy, so it’s not worth it.
7. Assuming Nobody Likes You
Assumptions are just that. And they can be really painful and wrong. But let me just say this: whether people like you or not, is none of your business, really. As long as you like yourself.
If you’re true to yourself and are doing the things you know make you happy, working on the goals you deserve to achieve and aren’t disappointing yourself every step of the way, you’re doing pretty great.
So work on yourself and stop worrying about what others think of you. There’s a very big chance that if you’re doing something great, there will be someone who doesn’t like you, even if you’re as cute as a baby Pomeranian. And that’s okay.
8. Talking when you don’t need to
Today, if you don’t have an opinion about everything that’s happening in the world, why are you even here? If you don’t answer a million questions from strangers to just network with them – you’re an introvert and a weirdo.
Honestly, it’s exhausting. Trust yourself enough to say: I don’t know. Sometimes, even, “I don’t care” is okay. Saying nothing is also an option. Save that time and energy for something you’re interested in.
9. Adding Other People’s Excuses To Your List
It’s great to have company when you’re changing your life and when you’re creating new habits. Just sometimes, people don’t feel like changing as quickly as you. So they self-sabotage. But because you’re there, they sabotage you as well.
Example: You and your friend are going to the gym, because you want to lose weight. You train for an hour and then it’s time to go home. But that friend suggests having pizza, because you worked so hard at the gym and you burned so many calories. And then you do it.
See it’s not enough that you need to deal with the inner rebel inside you, now you need to worry about the inner rebel inside your friend. That guy can say things out loud, he’s dangerous. So here, you need to either talk some sense into your friend and remind her why you’re both doing this or if it repeatedly doesn’t work – accept it and do stuff on your own.
10. Preparing for the right moment
Newsflash: There isn’t a right moment. But while you’re perfecting your strategy and preparing, you’re missing out on opportunities. Opportunities that might turn into something bigger, amazing, unexpected and beautiful.
So start any moment you feel inspired and then when you fall off, start again as many times as you should. Because when you take action, you ALWAYS attract opportunities, you become more open to them.
RELATED: How Getting Ready Can Ruin Your Life
11. Believing Discipline is for Losers.
Lack of self-discipline has been a part of my life for quite a while now. And it only lead me to more guilt, overthinking and losing respect for myself. But I’ve found out – the more I work on it, the more I become the person I truly am – someone I actually want to be.
Be disciplined about everything in life – work, home, fun. Take yourself, your deadlines and your promises to yourself seriously. Like you would do with a friend or someone you look up to.
When you say “I’ll work 6 hours today” – actually work 6 hours that day and then be disciplined enough to go and rest after. If you have made plans, follow them.
Becoming self-discpilined is about allowing yourself to succeed in everything you want.
When you get disciplined that whole stress that comes with procrastination and the constant beat up – it all just evaporates, it goes away. And you feel good and proud of yourself.